Cane sugar, honey, raw turbinado, coconut sugar, agave syrup. Many nutrition experts sitting on their high horses all wax lyrical over these glistening labels, eager to proclaim the nutritional properties of each. These are the same people who are religious avocado-toast eaters and green-juice guzzlers. These are the people who are fine with anything that’s not white sugar or high-fructose corn syrup, the four words which instigate heated debate in the world of nutrition. The hidden truth? All these sugars are the same, in the sense that they all get processed the same way. Too much sugar in any form is dangerous.

Processed starches and breakfast cereals might as well unzip themselves from their beige coats because they are digested in an instant, in much the same way as our bodies process that brownie or bowl of salted caramel Haagen Dazs (which I must admit will always be a firm favourite of mine). Eating a bowl of sugar and eating a bowl of cereal may taste different, but below the neck, they’re metabolically identical.

So what about sugar in fruit? Ah, another question that almost demands a series of catfights in the vegan community. Yes, fruit has lots of sugar, especially mangoes, durians and grapes. Even the ratio of fructose to glucose in fruit and table sugar is practically the same. Keeping in mind many scientific studies have proven that, although fructose increases blood insulin and glucose levels in the fasting state, making it seem that much better than glucose alone, it actually increases average triglyceride levels more than glucose. However, it’s the fibre and vitamins in fruit that compensate for this, and add to the wholesomeness of eating fruit. The problem arises when you’ve got a bottle of fruit juice for fuel, because this has no fibre whatsoever. You might as well be drinking a coke.

The solution for many, lies in the glorious buzz of anything containing artificial sweeteners, the siren call of your trusty diet sodas. Now I feel bad saying this because I’ve been a Diet Coke fan for many years, and although the craze has waned, I still give in to the odd temptation. Sadly, and ironically, the stuff wreaks havoc on our normal metabolic routes and hormones, most notably insulin’s neurobiological actions. The infamous sweetners aspartame and Splenda still produce drastic spikes in insulin because the brain is tricked into wanting sugar, sugar and more sugar.

I know I’m making it sound like there’s just no win-win situation. I mean, sugar tastes good, and we all want to feel and taste something which doesn’t have us plucking out our eyebrows. There’s no need to feel pressurized to be the most perfect healthy robot human. Here at university, life is for living, for those 3am pizzas and ice creams, not gnawing on grass. It’s simply important to be aware of the various metabolic effects our best friend sugar, and to go easy on our overloaded systems once in a while. Go on, have a Diet Coke. With a splash of rum.