Call me old fashioned, but I always thought that phones were for talking to people, rather than browsing the internet, watching moviesand playing games. Nowadays, it seems that phones are primarily used to avoid having to talk to people.

So, in my old fashioned-ness, I never really got into playing games on my phone. Well, as they say, there’s a first time for everything, and I booked a return ticket to the land of Humble-topia, and wrote a guide for anyone who is looking for a holiday retreat over the next 5 days, 8 hours, 30 minutes and 24 seconds (note, time remaining may vary depending on when you actually read this article). There’s not enough space to cover all the tourist attractions, so here’s my top 5 places to visit.

The Sandy Beaches of Solar 2

I was confused when I started the tutorial. I was a rock. A sentient rock. I could fly around space and smash into things. I thought I was just messing around, but it seems I was actually playing the game.

The game revolves around mass. As an asteroid, you can smash into other asteroids, and your mass increases. Increase your mass enough, and you become a planet. A barren planet, mind you, so you want to have a civilization on you, requiring more mass. Ramming asteroids now loses you mass, so you have to stalk asteroids till they orbit you, and then you harvest them. Your populace then sends out ships, places a shield around you, and you fight other civilizations. I didn’t want to kill my people, but you can upgrade to a star (and more, beyond that). It’s fun when you’re doing well, but it’s easy to lose mass, and you’re back to the arduous task of increasing your mass to useful levels.

I feel I’ve only scratched the surface of the game, as I’ve seen screenshots of you controlling solar systems, and upgrading yourself to a black hole, so it’s the top of my list to play when the lectures are getting boring. That being said, I’ve a feeling the game is more fun on PC, as it’s just a little too fiddly on a small screen. It’s still a great game though on Android, and alone worth the sub-£10 that you can get the whole bundle for!

Dynamite Jack’s Caving Experience

If there’s ever a museum exhibition of games that punish you for being a few pixels out, or a half-second too slow, this game should be the centre-piece.

You are Dynamite Jack, a guy who loves blowing things up, hiding in the darkness, but hates getting shot.The game plays as a speed-oriented stealth game… with dynamite. Blowing through walls can make your job easier, and lets you pick up crystals to reduce the time spent on the level, but also alerts nearby torch and assault rifle wielding guards. As soon as the torch light hits you, you’re shot and have to restart. It seems simple, but it’s really kinda tough.

Missions take place in a range of environments – such as tight tunnels where it’s easy to slip around a corner, out of sight, and large, open caves where there’s not a single piece of cover for miles.

The Super Hexagon Estate

I had heard and seen great things about Super Hexagon. You’re in control of a marker that you can rotate around the central hexagon. Lines and shapes move towards the middle of the screen, and you have to simply rotate the point out of the way. Tapping the left of the screen, rotates you anti-clockwise, and tapping the right hand side rotates the piece clockwise. Simples.

I, however, seem to suck at this. I barely last 5 seconds before dying, and after multiple tries, I ragequit and need to take a breather, only to get dragged back in! I can see why people say it’s a good game – it’s quick, it’s simple and it has one heck of a difficulty cliff. It might just be that I’m rubbish at it, so if you’re a fan of this whole “let’s dodge lines” thing, then give it a go.

Crayon Physics Valley

Considering how you’re at Imperial, I expect that most of you have probably heard of Crayon Physics. Crayon Physics started in 2007 as a five-day project, inspired by the Experimental Gameplay project. It won awards when it was first shown to the community, and has been spreading to differing devices and platforms ever since.

Your objective is to get a ball to hit a star, by any means necessary. There are often large chasms in the way, so you need to build bridges or ramps to get the ball to the end. Instead of some awkward spawn menu, you simply draw a shape on the screen and it comes to life, affected by gravity, friction, centre of mass, and so on. The graphic style of the game is that everything is drawn in crayon (hence the name), and the background is a worn piece of paper, which is a really nice touch.

I played the game on Windows when it came out, and it was fine. I think it’s a lot more fun on your phone, as you actually draw the objects on the screen with your body parts. The game isn’t made to be difficult, it’s made to be fun, and fun you will have.

Beat Hazard Ultra Opera House

If you talk to anyone who has seen my computer or my YouTube history, they’ll agree that I have a rather odd taste in music. Unluckily for me, Beat Hazard Ultra happens to use the music on your device to create the levels. The faster, or louder the music becomes, the more powerful your weapons become, but also the more numerous and scary the enemies.

The gameplay of Beat Hazard Ultra is rather like that of Asteroids – you’re in control of a small ship in a confined top-down area, and enemy ships/asteroids enter off-screen. As you blow things apart, you may get items to pickup, such as score multipliers, money, special weapons, weapon upgrades – you get the idea.

There are two modes of playing the game – single stick, or dual stick. Single stick can be thought of as easy mode, as you simply control the direct your ship moves – the AI is in control of your guns, and shoots the nearest target. Dual stick mode sees your right thumb/finger control the direction you aim and fire, whilst the left control moves you around the screen. My phone’s screen isn’t exactly small, nor massive, but I find an issue in dual stick mode, because most of the screen is now filled with fingers, and I can’t see what I’m shooting at.

I don’t find the game too hard, nor too easy, so it’sreally addictive, and you rank up quickly. When you do so, you get to buy a new perk, and upgrade it with any money you picked up on the way. I think this game’s awesome, and I don’t think I’ll get bored of it anytime soon.