Disclaimer: If you read this as anything other than a bit of banterous free advertising for our joint event, then you read too hard.

RCSU IS BETTER:

Paul Beaumont, RCSU Vice President (Operations)

I run the inherent risk of making myself unpopular in writing this: and so I shall endeavour to explain why – as uncontroversially as possible, but without question – the RCSU is better than the ICSMSU.

For my argument to hold, one must first accept that this is a rather fucked up playing field. The Faculty of Medicine donate large sums of money to the ICSMSU. They have a paid-for-by-College President working on ‘stuff’ full-time (or, more commonly, curled up on the sofa in her office wishing she’d stuck at playing doctors and nurses instead of taking a year out). If this whole ‘Faculty Union’ thing was golf, the Medics have the maximum handicap of 36 whilst the RCSU are playing as pros at 0. Not fair.

And so, it is on this basis that I will build my argument. I quite happily smile and nod when a Medic tells me how amazing their Union is over RCSU. Inside, I’m dying – yearning – to scream “BUT LOOK AT THE PLAYING FIELD”. I somehow think they may think me mad for doing so, though.

Readers of this publication will no doubt however have spotted the numerous successes of the RCSU this year. Autumn Ball. Oktoberfest. Made In Chelsea Pub Crawl. Book Sale. Welfare Week. Charity Cakes Sales. Careers Talks. Alumni Dinner. Winter Ball. Science Challenge. RAG Ball. All of these have been on the back of a team of crack-pot scientists, working hard behind the scenes. No full-time staff – no labour costs. No thousands of pounds, flooding our accounts like the torrent of vomit flowing through Reynolds.

What have – with all these extra resources – the Medics’ Union achieved then? Erm. Oh, this is awkward. Their social calendar is, like, “padded” with the RCSU events (read: that woman in charge is piggybacking the RCSU). The events that the Medic Union cook up themselves – under the, may I stress, direction of paid-sabbatical Miss Rayner – are only as good as the RCSU’s, and only marginally more frequent.

As Faculty Unions, we also handle welfare weeks and the rep system on behalf of the DPE. Many would argue that this is where the medics shine, with an enviable buddy scheme – something I won’t deny them. I would ask though, if this cannot be attributed more to the fact the medics have more time to be social than us hard-working scientists? Having lived with medics for two years, the number of nights they stumble home as opposed to walk suggests they had too much time to kill. Yes – I guess I am just jealous.

But then, the RCSU serves a greater purpose than just this social lark the medics thrive on. Unlike their students, ours now have a wealth of opportunities open to them on graduating. Virtually any job is at your fingertips with the letters ARCS after your name (Associateship of the Royal College of Science). To this end the RCSU takes it upon itself to organise careers talks that will benefit our members’ futures; we don’t just act as a drain on their members’ student loan by holding fancy bops, etc.

And so – for fear of wittering on too much, I conclude as thus: ICSMSU, as a union, is good – but given its resources should be so many times more brilliant than the RCSU. But it just isn’t. To return to the analogy of me screaming “PLAYING FIELD” at some poor medic – caught up in this fierce inter-faculty rivalry – I would like to make a suggestion to the medics. Ditch your sabbatical President and refuse (most of) College’s money. At least that way, our playing field would then be levelled. If then you are still better than us, I may consider accepting defeat…

ICSM IS BETTER:

Suzie Rayner, ICSMSU President

Thankfully, as someone who will now never run for an ICU position, I don’t have to people please. But I’d like to think I’m fair. So why am I here? I think that because Imperial has made it so.

From Day 1, I’ve been disliked for my subject. As a fresher, many IC students walked away once they found out my career ambitions. But not ICSM. That is where you are protected. And therefore, why would any student ask advice from ICU when they can ask it from ICSMSU? This advice, our clubs and societies, the excellent welfare (kindly recognised) and endless meetings are my daily routine. I haven’t organised a single event. So it probably isn’t a fair comparison.

And as for my wages, you’re just jealous. To be honest, the torrent of unnecessarily targeted abuse has been written by a gentleman who moonlights as the ‘System Administrator’ for ICU. Doesn’t sound half as cool as Medic President.

If “I did nothing all day”, the students and the faculty would have cut the funding a long time ago. In fact, the Presidential salary is the most protected funding. So more importantly, why have RCSU not been offered the money to enhance their services to students and provide a full time RCSU officer? Because they are clearly not offering enough.

I didn’t know what RCSU stood for when I got this job. I live and breathe medicine, the medical school and every person in it. And because ICSM is such a fantastic place and Medicine a fascinating career, that is more than enough for me.

I wish I knew more about RCSU to be able to tell you what we do better, but I don’t. Nor do I really want to; any list of events that a union has offered that includes a Cake Sale has a lot to answer for. Giving credit where due, ICSMSU did get branded condoms following the RCSU example. But we got more.

The sad thing is we need you as much as you need us. Without scientists we don’t have the medicine to make people better. But without the medics, who has skills to understand what was wrong in the first place?

Speaking as the offspring of two mathematicians and a once student of Further Maths, I have nothing against scientists. In fact I very nearly studied it in its purest form. But the limiting factor was the lifestyle, and ultimately the purpose. At least when my parents studied maths you could get a job with it.

According to the Guardian’s League Tables for 2012, 100% of Medical Students from Imperial College have a career after 6 months. Not that I expected to find anything less. Mathematics, for want of an RCSU example, has 77%.

So, as I get back to my Sunday afternoon of ICSMSU work, I ask can you blame us?

Scientists, which % would you prefer?